I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This is the high leading the old right now
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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