sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
