At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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