Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I touched a dick in church today
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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