I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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