I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
