i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
