The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
