you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
