I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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