He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
