your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
