sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
be right there i have to get my cape
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
