last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
