My friends, they love my intelligence
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
40s are totally the cure
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
