just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
