i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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