he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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