i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
