Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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