It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
