Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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