Kiss
Puke
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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