Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
