Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
