I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
