the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
