dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We're too hungover to prance.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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