Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
