PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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