I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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