perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
