I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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