Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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