FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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