then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I can't turn off my feet"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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