I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
