my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So squirting runs in the family.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
God I need to hump something, right now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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