I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
