Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
