You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Randomize
