Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
