I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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