So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
