well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
