I cannot find my penis.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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