did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
