As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
