i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
