I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
