You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
