What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
