I'm so fucking centered right now
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Drunk is not a location!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
