i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
