yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
